If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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