ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
