you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
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