We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
