i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
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