apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
