Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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