The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
