i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
