Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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