what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Randomize