I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
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My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
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Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
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