Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Randomize
