This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
