I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
