he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Randomize
