Where are you?
In a non slutty way
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize
