my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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