I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
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