I wish I could punch you in the face.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
