im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
I think I am morally bankrupt
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
