and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
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