I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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