Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
