nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
