Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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