Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
