Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
