I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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