wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
