if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
Randomize
