Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
