i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
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