So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
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