And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
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