Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Randomize
