i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize