in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
this hospital has no fireball
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Randomize
