Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Randomize
