I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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