The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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