and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
Actions speak louder than pants.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
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I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
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I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
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