I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize
