did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
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