I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
