So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
hell yes lets make some ravioli
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
