He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize