he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
