you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
