He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
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