my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
