I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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