i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Randomize
