i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
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