it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
