I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
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