My cat gives me a boner
he told me I talked like a deaf person
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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