So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
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