I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Randomize
