She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
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