Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
Say something about gay babies.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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