My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Randomize
