Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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