my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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