it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize
