first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
Acid is not a monday night drug
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
There's a naked man in my car right now.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
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