you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
everyone is single if you try hard enough
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Randomize
