dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
Randomize
