doug butabi!
steve butabi!
hotties wanna shake it
My hand turned me down
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
