so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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