the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
